Yesterday Gawker ran a many-thousand-word excerpt of FLASH! Bars, Boobs, and Busted: 5 Years on the Road with Girls Gone Wild, a memoir by videographer Ryan Simkins. While it's unlikely this book will go down in history as one of the great works of American literature (especially if Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis, who has filed suit to stop the publication of the book, gets his way), we believe the author deserves special recognition for the following passage, in which, in a just a few deft sentences, he manages to encapsulate not only the entire life and talents of 21st-century celebrity Paris Hilton, but the morally and culturally bankrupt era of her reign.
Without further ado:
We walked in, and she was naked. She was waiting for her next dress or whatever, but had already taken off her old dress. For the record, I'm a big fan of that move. She asked me if it was any trouble getting it, and I told her not really. I took out the Camel box and handed it to her, and she thanked me. We talked for a minute or two about the apparent difficulty of procuring those drugs in Europe. I I asked if she was flying private, and she said, "No, commercial." And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X. She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch. Classic.