The Lovelorn Dog Walker Who Experiences a Record-Breaker

Once a week, Daily Intel takes a peek behind doors left slightly ajar. This week, the Lovelorn Dog Walker Who Experiences a Record-Breaker: female, 26, dog walker and fact checker, Lower East Side, single, bisexual.

DAY ONE
11:28 a.m.: Get text from married lover I’d sworn off but wind up texting with anyway. It’s innocuous but there is always a flirtatious undertone. Thankfully, I’m on vacation this weekend.
8:07 p.m.: Text from ex, who told me I was “best sex of his life” and later dumped me, complaining that he can’t get laid. “I want a BJ. Are you around?” Am away, but wonder what would have happened if I was in town. Apparently this week is all about exes.
11:28 p.m.: Am sharing hotel room with friend so can’t masturbate, but think about both exes.

DAY TWO
10:56 a.m.: E-mail from married lover with detailed BDSM fantasy. Torn between furthering the fantasy and putting a stop to the banter. Want to keep my fantasy mind focused on upcoming third date; so far all we’ve done was hot making out and heavy petting.
10:59 a.m.: Reply but try to laugh it off.
11: 33 a.m.: After various innocuous e-mails, he writes that he loves me. Touched but annoyed; is getting someone who’s already quite happily taken to love me the best I can do?

DAY THREE
9:57 p.m.: Meet friend and former fuck buddy for what looks suspiciously like a date to see naked girls perform burlesque. He is very solicitous; buys me a drink and helps me get settled into my seat.
11:03 p.m.: Watch performers eat sushi off a beautiful woman’s bare stomach. Am sure both of us wish we were the ones eating sushi off of her.
11:36 p.m.: Kiss on subway tracks, but I can tell it’s not the same as it used to be with us. Wish that I were kissing someone who was remotely interested in being my boyfriend.
11:41 p.m.: He hints that he wants me to come home with him, but I tell him I’m tired. True, but know that if we were really boyfriend and girlfriend, I’d muster the energy.

DAY FOUR
8:04 a.m.: After much back-and-forth, tell guy from previous night for second time that we are better off as friends. Though I’ve had weekends where I’ve slept with two or even three people, am trying to focus on one person at a time.
3:47 p.m.: Have trouble concentrating; wondering whether I shouldn’t have just gone home with former fuck buddy. Is it better to have hot sex when there’s no future to it or hold out for hot sex and a relationship?
9:53 p.m.: Bond with new friend over mutual reminiscences of bad bondage clubs we’ve seen. Glad that I don’t try to find new partners in spaces like that; it’s not my thing.

DAY FIVE
6:30 p.m.: Dinner with married female friend who regales me with exploits of her and her husband’s extracurricular sex life. Exciting to hear hot stories but can’t help but be jealous that she has a man and some ladies on the side.
10:24 p.m.: Use favorite vibrator, but am not sure which guy to fantasize about, so it becomes a muddle of various ones and I get bored before I get off.

DAY SIX
4:34 p.m.: Text from hot guy confirming third date. Was supposed to happen last week but got rescheduled due to mutual error. Have already picked out sexy shoes to wear and am determined to finally have sex with him.
9:03 p.m.: Wear most low-cut outfit and teeter on heels from subway. Restaurant is too crowded; impressed that he is there early (and that I’m on time).
10:24 p.m.: Like that he pays for dinner and a cab (I offer to pay but he refuses), but even more, like that he is charming and clearly listening to what I’m saying.
10:27 p.m.: Want to maul him in taxi but settle for sitting right next to him. Hope that mauling happens soon.
10:35 p.m.: He bends me over his couch and fingers me through my panties.
10:51 p.m.: We finally go into his bedroom. I wind up naked long before he does, but when he finally undresses I see he has the biggest penis I have ever seen. Not sure how big in inches, but significantly bigger than the largest one I’d seen prior to this, both extremely long and thick. Am momentarily intimidated but have been so looking forward to breaking two-month dry spell and doing so with him that I decide to make friends with it.
10:55 p.m.: Attempt to deep-throat extra-large penis. Get about five-sixths of it down my throat and make note to self to practice so can take it all next time. Enjoy the almost-choking sensation but wonder what he will think about me for being so eager to do that.
11:07 p.m.: Missionary position feels totally amazing, especially with my legs up on his shoulders. Almost hurts but doesn’t actually. Sex is rougher than I’ve had in a while — he grabs my hair and presses my face into the bed — and I find that I like it a lot.

DAY SEVEN
3:22 a.m. (approximately): Woken up repeatedly by cars, music in the street. Don’t mind because feel his naked body next to me.
8:22 a.m.: Unbelievably horny. Listen to him snore while thinking about trying to attempt deep-throating again. Try to go back to sleep.
9:04 a.m.: Silently position myself so can masturbate but is not doing the trick.
9:25 a.m.: Wake him up by kissing my way from his neck to his shoulder down his chest to his flaccid but still very impressive penis. Start licking it from the base on up and then take the head in my mouth. Make sure he’s watching me.
9:38 a.m.: Haven’t succeeded in taking it all but he seems happy with the results.
9:44 a.m.: Doggy-style sex does actually turn out to be slightly painful but also wonderful. Keep moving around to find best position possible to accommodate both of us.
12:02 p.m.: Leave to meet prom date, last seen going down on me when I was 17. Reminded of why I liked his goofy jokes but now just find them goofy. Wish I were in bed with date from last night.
8:05 p.m.: Go to gym to work off excess sexual energy. I get wet every time I think about the new guy. Consider contacting him for booty call but decide to wait and see if he contacts me.

Total: Two acts of fellatio; two acts of intercourse; two minor acts of masturbation.