Sex educator Pamela Madsen has noticed something lacking lately in the orgasms you give your partner and yourself. Oh sure, you can provide each other/yourself with vaginal ones, clitoral ones, ones revolving around one’s G-spot, even male ones, depending. But, Madsen is worried for your sexual health. There’s something about your drive to the finish line that’s just so obligatory — and American.
Unfortunately, the experience of orgasm is put out as the measure of success of a joyful and meaningful sexual experience. It’s like our culture views sex as a sporting event. Once we get on the playing field of sex, it’s all around running around the bases — with the sole purpose of hitting a home run. Isn’t that what we learned as young sexual beings with that entire concept of “hitting a home run?” Somehow, if we don’t get that orgasm we feel like we lost the game.
So, let’s get this straight. Not only is Madsen not in favor of trying to give oneself or one’s partner an orgasm, but she also hates baseball? And winning?! What does she think we should do instead? Go “organic,” and tell ourselves, “‘I don’t have a need for my partner to orgasm. I don’t feel an obligation to ‘give’ my partner an orgasm. I don’t feel an obligation to have an orgasm myself.’” Paging Joseph McCarthy.
What Is An Organic Orgasm? [Psychology Today]
Update: Madsen responded to us in the comments.
Dear Daily Intel:
Thank you for picking up the writing! While funny - you missed the point entirely! Orgasms are delicious and wonderful - I am suggesting that we are simply too focused at the “getting there” - and we miss the journey all along the way which is filled with pleasure - all because we want to make sure that we get to that “home run”. What if we let go of “getting there” - and see what happens? Extended pleasure perhaps? Less anxiety about getting it right? More orgasms as a result? Who knows? You can mock the possibility of opening yourself to more pleasure by releasing be so goal orientated in your sexing….or not.