‘I Walked Into the Briefing Today, Birds Up, and Said “Hey Sn@*ch-Warblers, You’ve Only Got One Day Left With This Bitch.” It’s Official.’

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Photo: Win McNamee/Getty Images

Introducing our favorite fake Twitter account: @MayorEmanuel, which shares the inner thoughts of a man headed to take over Chicago after two years of running the White House. "Some mornings coffee is like standing underneath a t&@t-rainbow while f*&#king a thousand puppies in the mouth." Apparently, he won't miss it. [MayorEmanuel/Twitter]