Man Just Accidentally Fingered Horse


At this point in human history, anyone planning to commit a lewd act in the public sphere should know there’s a strong chance they’re going to get caught, and when they do, whatever excuse they come up with, no matter how clever, is not going to fly, because after all the thing about committing lewd acts in the public sphere is that people see you do it. Yet time and time again, everyone from subway masturbators to United States senators attempt to come up with some rationalization of their behavior, as though this is going to be the one time police, who are of course known for their infinite tolerance, are going to say, “Oh, okay then, carry on.” In this grand tradition, earlier this week when police confronted a Connecticut man with the unfortunate name of Marian Wegiel for reportedly “inappropriately touching a horse … in a sexual manner,” Wegiel attempted to utilize the old “my hand went up the horse’s bum accidentally” line of reasoning.

To be fair, he could have been telling the truth. Horses always kind of look as though they’ve just been molested.

Man arrested for sexually assaulting horse []
Related: My Private Parts Fell Out [NYM]