Stone-Faced Miner Yonni Barrios Greeted by His Exuberant Mistress at the Surface

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Years from now, we will all remember where we were when, after unprecedented anticipation, we watched Chilean miner Yonni Barrios emerge from his underground purgatory and display neither happiness nor any other emotion as his overjoyed mistress — and not his wife, who stayed home — wept in his arms. It will be our moon landing.