When Stealing a Frozen Turkey, the ‘Pregnant Belly’ Approach Is Always Better Than the ‘Popeye Leg’ Approach


Deon Williams wanted a turkey. We’re not going to assume anything about his motives, because, let’s face it, a turkey is about the least sinister and most nutritious large item you could steal from a grocery store. What we’d like to question here are his methods. The 19-year-old was caught on tape at Fine Fare supermarket in Bed-Stuy taking a pre-wrapped turkey and shoving it into his clothes. Not into the abdomen of his bulky jacket, as would seem logical, but into the leg of his pants. (In front of fellow customers and a cashier, no less.) On the tape, he can be seen tightening the elastic strings around the bottom cuff of his left pant leg, and then walking out looking like he has a cantaloupe calf. He’s stopped by store employees before he gets very far.

According to the Post, during his comical attempt to flee, this happened:

He’s got a big turkey in his pants!” Fine Fare Grocery cashier Michelle Benjamin yelled to butcher Sergio Marte 

I don’t want to touch you — just give me the turkey!” Marte demanded.

This is just what the Wampanoag Tribe envisioned when they sat down with the Plymouth colonists for the very first Thanksgiving.

Thief stuffs turkey down pants [NYP]