According to a Bloomberg report, despite their firm’s recent investment in Facebook, many Goldman Sachs employees aren’t familiar with the workings of the social-networking site, since it was until recently banned in the office for productivity reasons (and most Goldman employees are, naturally, so focused on minting money they never managed to create profiles on their own time). Which is why, the news service explains, an executive recently held a special training session to walk them “through the basics” of Friending, Liking, and Making Sure You Save Your Drunk House-Party Photos As Private. That they expect us to believe this shareholder-pleasing nonsense is, frankly, an affront to our intelligence. This is Goldman Sachs. They’ve secretly been on Facebook the whole time, stalking and super-poking and creating complex derivative packages based on everyone’s Likes list. How do we know? We took a screen-grab of Lloyd Blankfein’s news feed right before new security measures were put in place.*
*Many thanks to the fine people at Slate.