Ted Haggard, the former president of the National Association of Evangelicals who was kicked out of his job and disgraced after admitting to using crystal meth and having sexual relations with a male prostitute, has been in sharing mode for a while. After years of therapy, he'll pretty much say anything. Except for one little thing: He won't cop to his masturbation habits. Or he wouldn't, until he confided in GQ writer Kevin Roose. Says Ted:
"I'd go someplace and masturbate and use [crystal meth]. But it was for masturbation. And that's one of the reasons why I haven't been real clear. I don't want to stand up publicly and say, 'Hey, I'm a masturbation guy!'
"You know, that's really the core issue here," he continues, lowering his voice. "I bought the drugs to enhance masturbation. Because what crystal meth does — [gay escort Mike Jones] taught me this — crystal meth makes it so you don't ejaculate soon. So you can watch porn and masturbate for a long time."
"And it would be gay porn?" I ask.
"It would be both. I enjoyed both then."
"Do you watch porn anymore?"
"Now we're getting into what should happen between me, my wife, and my therapist."
Hmmm. It's pretty clear that whatever he's talking about, it does not happen between him and his wife. Speaking of which, Haggard also admitted to Roose for the first time that he's probably bisexual. "Here's where I really am on this issue," he told the writer in a half whisper. "I think that probably, if I were 21 in this society, I would identify myself as a bisexual." Why not now? "I'm 54, with children, with a belief system, and I can have enforced boundaries in my life ... We live an ordinary life."
Luckily, elsewhere in the article, one of his kids (pictured above, in proof to the contrary) is around to rebut that statement. Observes Elliot, far left: "I don't think our family has a 'normal' anymore."