Way to Go, Caroline Kennedy, Now Everyone Is Dying to Know About the Time Joe Kennedy Touched a Boob While Thinking of Hitler


Honestly, before Caroline Kennedy got the History Channel to pull The Kennedys by threatening to reneg on the promised release of some (probably boring) conversations between her mother and Arthur Schlesinger, the miniseries about the family might have passed without too much fanfare. Katie Holmes playing Stepford wife to a charismatic man with dark secrets? That we’ve seen. But now that Caroline has made such a big deal about it, one network official told the Post, “People are going to want to know, ‘What’s in there that they wanted to kill?’” Happily, the paper gave us a few examples of some of the film’s grossest and cheesiest moments.

For instance, an early draft contained these scenes, some of which were later cut.

• In which JFK says to Bobby, “If I don’t have some strange ass every couple of days, I get migraines.”

• In which JFK implies he boned a campaign aide by saying, “She volunteered to work overtime last night. We discussed the ins and outs of politics.”

• And one in which “Joe Sr. fondles his secretary in front of his sons … while he’s dictating a note to the president about making concessions to Hitler.”

Holy hell, this thing is like a political Showgirls. Luckily, producers seem committed to finding another home for it. May we suggest … the Internet?

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