Things That Should Never Happen Just Because Someone Ate the Last Hot Pocket

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Aliyah Austin's 29-year-old boyfriend slapped her on Valentine's Day after she ate his last microwaveable Hot Pocket. In revenge, the 16-year-old Staten Island resident kidnapped her boyfriend's 3-year-old daughter. Cops tracked down Austin and the child, who was found unharmed, by triangulating the signal from her cell phone, which Austin was using to send him threatening messages like "If you want your baby back, meet me at the rock." For future reference, don't trust a story to be delightfully amusing just because it has the words "Hot Pocket incident" in the headline. [NYP]