A Manhattan federal judge sentenced Kenneth Starr to seven and a half years in prison for an elaborate Ponzi scheme to bilk his celebrity investors, like Al Pacino, Uma Thurman, and Lauren Bacall, out of $33 million. Despite the jail time, Starr, who used the $33 million to pay for things like a $400,000 bill at Jacob the Jeweler, caught a lucky break. U.S. District Court judge Shira Scheindlin decided to dismiss federal sentencing guidelines, which called for up to twelve and a half years, in light of Starr's "longstanding charity and civic work," says the New York Post. Scheindlin told the court, "He seemed to have lost his moral compass partly as a result of infatuation with his young fourth wife."
Said fourth wife, Diane Passage, a stripping enthusiast who is currently auditioning for a reality show about strippers, sat front and center in court wearing a "body-hugging skirt that left little to the imagination" and exposing "cleavage ... so generous" it probably made Starr start counting the days till he was free to Ponzi again.
A "visibly shaken" Starr told the judge, "I can't believe I did what I did. I lost my moral compass." Well sure, all that spinning around the pole would make anyone dizzy.