Let Lloyd Light Up Your Life

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The Lloyd Blankfein Patio Torch
The Lloyd Blankfein Patio Torch Photo: Photo-illustration: Mary-Louise Price; Photo: iStockphoto, Mario Tama/Getty Images

Are your patio parties dark and dreary? Wish you could give your deck the glow of a financial sun-god? Act now, and you could soon have a tiki-torch tribute to the luminescent Goldman Sachs leader, on sale at the handmade tchotchke outpost Etsy.

Lloyd has previously dabbled in plastics, but never before has America's smiliest CEO appeared in the form of wheel-thrown stoneware. The torch, a steal at $175 plus shipping, is the handiwork of husband-and-wife artisan duo Nick Friedman and Jennifer Kelly, who have this to say of their tribute: "We don't guarantee it will further illuminate banking fraud, but, it is sure to be a great conversation piece nonetheless — especially if that conversation is about banking scandals and the rigging of financial markets."

If Intel Jessica buys this particular item before you get the chance (she just sprinted downstairs mumbling something about "gotta pawn my fillings"), don't worry. Friedman and Kelly are also selling torches bearing the faces of Jamie Dimon, Bernie Madoff, Ben Bernanke, Tim Geithner, Larry Summers, and Hank Paulson — a series they're calling "Pricks on Sticks."

Lloyd's earthenware likeness, Friedman and Kelly say, "casts the perfect ambient lighting for Goldman Sachs fans and foes alike." It also comforts crying babies, conjures the ghost of Samuel Sachs when rubbed, and is indestructible except at the hands of a centaur. Order away.

The Lloyd Blankfein Patio Torch [Etsy]