General Advice Department: Do Not Ask Your Bail Bondsman About Bribing the Judge

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An artist's rendition. Specifically, Guy Ritchie's. Photo: USA

Rare is the occasion when one of our Stupid Crimes of the Day begets yet another stupid crime of the day, but such is the case with Mahaveer Kankariya. This would-be fraudster was out on bail for faking a robbery to his diamond district jewelry shop, in a plot that seemed to lift many of its particulars from the movie Snatch. (He and his accomplice, Atul Shah, hired thugs dressed as Hasidic Jews to come in and fake rob their debt-laden boutique.) While on the outside, Kankariya asked his bail bondsman, "Is there any way I can bribe the judge?" The bondsman, Luis Onativia, explains:

"And he says, 'No, because in my country [India], you know, we normally do that,' and I am like, 'Dude, you are f- -king crazy,' and he is like, 'Oh, oh, I am sorry. Don't take it, you know -- I am just asking the question -- I don't want you taking it serious.' "

Once that misunderstanding was cleared up, Kankariya next asked Onativia how to remove his ankle monitoring bracelet. He was promptly returned to lockup.

'Is there any way I can bribe the judge?' [NYP]