Newsweek, a Leading Weekly Journal of Fan Fiction, Checks In With Princess Diana at 50

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Editor-in-chief Tina Brown wrote the cover story this week. Let's just say it's light on new reporting.

Fashionwise, Diana would have gone the J.Crew and Galliano route à la Michelle Obama, always knowing how to mix the casual with the glam. There is no doubt she would have kept her chin taut with strategic Botox shots and her bare arms buff from the gym. Remarriage? At least two, I suspect, on both sides of the Atlantic. Always so professional herself, she would have soon grown exasperated with Dodi Al-Fayed’s hopeless unreliability. After the breakup I see her moving to her favorite city, New York, spending a few cocooned years safely married to a super-rich hedge-fund guy who could provide her with what she called “all the toys”: the plane, the private island, the security detail. Gliding sleekly into her 40s, her romantic taste would have moved to men of power over boys of play. She’d have tired of the hedge-fund guy and drifted into undercover trysts with someone more exciting—a high-mindedly horny late-night talk-show host, or a globe-trotting French finance wizard destined for the Élysée Palace. I suspect she would have retained a weakness for men in uniform, and a yen for dashing Muslim men. (A two-year fling with a Pakistani general, rumored to have links to the ISI, would have been a particular headache to the Foreign Office and the State Department.)

She would have lunched every Tuesday and Thursday with her close friend, an equally beautiful, blonde magazine editor, laughing secretly together at the tacky, obvious machinations of a certain Greek-accented harridan. Fridays, they'd get a cocktail or two, stare out at the Hudson River, and talk about how once you'd won over the Americans, those simple souls, they'd never stop giving you magazine covers.

Diana at 50 [Newsweek]