Noelle Hancock Loves Both Hookers and Children Equally

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Name: Noelle Hancock
Age: 31
Neighborhood: East Village
Occupation: Author of just-published memoir My Year With Eleanor. Also occasional contributor to Daily Intel.

Who's your favorite New Yorker, living or dead, real or fictional?
It’s always changing. Right now I’m loving Bethenny Frankel. Girlfriend is getting it done.

What's the best meal you've eaten in New York?
An eight-course tasting menu at Daniel.

In one sentence, what do you actually do all day in your job?
Is this a write-in question from my parents?

What was your first job in New York?
Staff writer for the New York Observer.

What's the last thing you saw on Broadway?
August: Osage County. It was three hours and twenty minutes long and had two intermissions. They should have audience members update their wills before taking their seats.

Do you give money to panhandlers?
Yes. I figure if anyone is twisted enough to pretend to be homeless to get money, they still need the dollar more than I do.

What's your drink?
A Dark and Stormy, extra stormy.

How often do you prepare your own meals?
Both my oven and pantry are full of books.

What's your favorite medication?
I had a long torrid affair with Lunesta.

What's hanging above your sofa?
Black and white photos of my grandmothers taken in the 1940s. Even with all of today’s airbrushing technology, no one looks more beautiful in photos than people in the forties.

How much is too much to spend on a haircut?
Over $100?

When's bedtime?
2 a.m.

Which do you prefer, the old Times Square or the new Times Square?
Both! I love hookers and children equally.

What do you think of Donald Trump?
That he’s not spending enough on his haircut.

What do you hate most about living in New York?
Anyone who doesn’t answer “how expensive it is” needs to be punched in the face and relocated to Tokyo because they can obviously afford it. (Also, how angry New Yorkers are!)

Who is your mortal enemy?
Whoever peed on the toilet seat right before me.

When's the last time you drove a car?
Two weeks ago when I visited my parents in Texas.

How has the Wall Street crash affected you?
My bank, Washington Mutual, is now called Chase.

Times, Post, or Daily News?
Times.

Where do you go to be alone?
Alone? If you find yourself alone in Manhattan, the city has clearly been ravaged by a zombie virus. Grab a Van Gogh from the Met and some canned goods, and bolt your doors.

What makes someone a New Yorker?
When you know the whole city so well that you can watch a scene from a movie that takes place in NYC but was really filmed on a soundstage or someplace like Montreal and know with absolute certainty, “That’s not New York.”