The Ballad of Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin, Part XXXVII


Despite claiming to utterly disdain one another, Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin just can't let this thing go. First there was that baby they had together. Then there was that GQ profile, in which the writer flat-out asked Johnston if he still loved Palin and he was like, "Seriously, no," but we refused to listen. He posed naked in magazines; she shimmied on television. He tricked her into a reunion in order to score an Us cover; she eventually realized she'd been played. And now: He's writing a tell-all with her last name in the title, and she's swinging back with a thinly veiled revenge tome, Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far, out Tuesday. In the book, young Palin reveals:

Bristol was so drunk on wine coolers the night she first slept with boyfriend Levi Johnston that she couldn’t recall losing her virginity at the tender age of 15 — and he was nowhere to be found the hazy morning after to refresh her memory. "Levi wasn’t even there to help me process — or even confirm my greatly feared suspicions," she writes. "Instead of waking up in his arms, I awakened in a cold tent alone."

Discussing her subsequent sleepovers with Levi, Bristol says the words that all lovers find themselves admitting at some point:

"I wasn’t drunk, it wasn’t an accident, and I did it on purpose."

She's pretty angry with the guy now, though:

"Puke," she writes, when she found out that Johnston had posed for Playgirl. (It’s a common phrase she uses to describe Johnston.)

... Bristol reunited with Johnston in July 2010, posing on the cover of Us announcing their plans for marriage, but that evening Johnston arrived with news. "I might’ve gotten someone pregnant," he said.

Cynics would say they're just doing all of this for fame and money, and cynics are usually right about that type of thing. (Most of the Internet is pretty firmly Team Palin, we should add.) But we're of the mind that, with dueling books, they're like a latter-day Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes. Ernest Hemingway and Martha Gellhorn. Norman Mailer and Norris Church. But probably closest to that last one, if any, since our research reveals that Mailer once tried to kill his second wife with a penknife at a party. Our point here: Levi Johnston may not be a smart man, but he knows what love is.

Levi? Puke! Bristol Palin reveals the joy of teen love [NYP]