Name: Judy Gold
Age: Really? Okay, 48
Neighborhood: Upper West Side
Occupation: Comedian, Actress, Writer, Mother, Mental Case, currently starring in The Judy Show: My Life As a Sitcom at the DR2 Theatre
Who's your favorite New Yorker, living or dead, real or fictional?
Right now it's gotta be Andrew Cuomo.
What's the best meal you've eaten in New York?
A Barney Greengrass onion bagel with cream cheese, nova, creamed onions, slice of tomato, a side of eggs and onion, herring in cream sauce, black coffee, and a pissed-off waiter.
In one sentence, what do you actually do all day in your job?
I try to win the love and approval of strangers since it didn't work with my family.
What was your first job in New York?
I worked at Military Media, an advertising agency for military-base newspapers. Don't ask, I won't tell.
What's the last thing you saw on Broadway?
Priscilla. It was a very entertaining evening!
Do you give money to panhandlers?
When they perform. There was a guy on a subway car who was trying to sing and people were ignoring him, so he just started ripping into the everyone saying things like, "Hey, pretty woman reading your New York Times. I know you want me ... " Hilarious.
What's your drink?
Water with lemon.
How often do you prepare your own meals?
Fifty percent of the time. My Shabbat dinner is not to be reckoned with.
What's your favorite medication?
Exercise ... okay, Ativan.
What's hanging above your sofa?
How much is too much to spend on a haircut?
$300 for me, $15 for my kids.
After the kids' lunches are made and the coffee timer is set.
Which do you prefer, the old Times Square or the new Times Square?
Tough one. In the old days, I got to where I was going a lot faster. I didn't have to deal with people from Montana walking really slowly and staring at the clock above Madame Tussauds ... but then again, now I don't have to watch people shooting up and jerking off.
What do you think of Donald Trump?
I'm so disappointed he's not running for president. He'd have the best campaign slogan ever: "We Shall Overcomb!"
What do you hate most about living in New York?
Alternate side of the street parking.
Who is your mortal enemy?
You might know her — her name is Judy Gold (we hate each other).
When's the last time you drove a car?
Yesterday, visiting my mother at the Hebrew Home for the Aged in Somerset, New Jersey.
How has the Wall Street crash affected you?
Don't you have to have money for the crash to affect you?
Times, Post, or Daily News?
Times all the way.
Where do you go to be alone?
What makes someone a New Yorker?
SHUT THE FUCK UP!