Rick Santorum Has a New Gay-Marriage Shtick

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There is very little reason to ever pay attention to Rick Santorum, a bottom-dwelling presidential hopeful who has no reason to run except that God told him to, perhaps as some sort of practical joke. But it is worthwhile to check in on him every so often, purely for the laughs. These days, Santorum is busy trying to perfect a new shtick he's been using to explain why gay marriage just cannot happen. Here he is on Friday, telling the Des Moines Register that redefining marriage to include gay unions would be like calling a glass of water a glass of beer — sheer madness!

"Water is what water is." You literally can't argue with that logic. But does this allegory extend to any other common household products as well? Yes, it does. Here's Santorum on Monday, doing the same thing with a napkin–paper towel theme.

So simple, and yet ... so absurd. Santorum appears to be saying that we can't redefine marriage because it just kind of exists on its own, out there, independent of man, the way that gravity (and the napkin, we guess?) exists and we couldn't change it, even if we wanted to. Obviously though, this isn't true. Humans created marriage, and humans have the ability to alter it. In fact, we already have — the institution of marriage has undergone significant changes throughout its history. So has the napkin, for what it's worth. Regardless, we do understand why Santorum is so drawn to this argument about never redefining things.

Santorum: Marriage Is Like Water, Not Beer [Think Progress]
Rick Santorum Compares Marriage to a Napkin: VIDEO [Towleroad]