The New York Post recently recounted the harrowing tale of an unsuspecting 11-year-old girl who, during a JetBlue flight from Portland to JFK, was peed on by a fellow airline passenger seven years her senior — which we promptly re-recounted. Now the girl's father — whose only known comments on the matter at the time had been, according to a witness, "Fuck that kid! I don't want him near my family!" — is offering a re-re-recount of the incident, claiming that his daughter was not, in fact, peed on. The Oregonian reports that, as per a statement released through the family's lawyer, the drunken teenager had merely peed "on the floor next to her seat."
The statement goes on to offer a clearer picture of the incident:
In between passing out and being yelled at, the [Port Authority] report describes [rogue urinator Robert] Vietze getting up at about 2:30 a.m., walking to seat 15A, where the girl was sleeping, and then urinating. The girl's father, returning after taking her 14-year-old sister to the restroom, found Vietze in the act. When the father approached, "Vietze stated he had an accident," according to the probable cause summary. The father described the young man as "out of it."
Vietze apparently drank "five to six beers and two rum and cokes" before even getting to Portland International, and the alcohol didn't hit him until the plane was in the air. Another fun fact: He's a competitive downhill skier training for the 2014 Winter Games in Russia, so get ready for a lot of yellow-snow jokes three years from now.