Bronx Principal Allegedly Fantasizes About Putting His Penis in Various Inanimate Objects

By
John Chase Jr.
John Chase Jr.

Bronxdale High School principal John Chase Jr. allegedly "keeps talking about his dick," an "angry staffer" tells the Post. Specifically, according to a "harassment report" filed with police, he talks about putting his dick in various inanimate objects, such as the copy machine, and the wall:

“We have a fancy copy machine that does all sorts of things. It even has a hole to stick your d--k in for a blow j-b,” Chase allegedly said to the stunned staffer, according to a Sept. 19 police report obtained by The Post.

Chase also allegedly celebrated a hole in the wall left behind by phone repairmen because he said it meant he could shove his member into it whenever he wanted, according to a source familiar with the complaints.

Wait, isn't this the plot of that bad movie in which a drunken fraternity brother mistakenly stumbles into an interview for a high-school principal's gig, and they give him the job anyway because it's such a bad school and nobody else applied, and then he gets into all kinds of trouble because his frat-bro ways ruffle everyone's feathers, but he eventually takes some lessons he learned at his fraternity and applies them to the school in constructive ways? What? That movie doesn't exist yet? Someone get me Seann William Scott on the phone, STAT.