You Can No Longer Text the Phrase ‘Monkey Crotch’ in Pakistan

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Pakistani policemen use their mobile phones at a street in Quetta on May 20, 2010. AFP PHOTO/BANARAS KHAN (Photo credit should read BANARAS KHAN/AFP/Getty Images)
"I'm preparing a big juicy kebab for you tonight." Photo: Banaras Khan/AFP/Getty Images

Actually that's just one of nearly 1,700 English and Urdu words that have been banned from texts by the Pakistan Telecommunication Authority in what is, ostensibly, a wild over-reaction to spamming. Highlights include random words like Jesus Christ, gay, and Wuutang, not-necessarily-lewd terms like period, hole, tongue, harder, and premature, patently ridiculous masturbatory terms like beat your meat and flogging the dolphin, and "17 variants on' tit' and 33 on 'cock.'" The ban might make sexting in Pakistan more difficult, but it won't kill it outright. People will just have to be more creative, e.g., "Can't wait to bowl all over your wickets."