Newt Gingrich: Half Man, Half Air Conditioner

US Republican presidential hopeful former House Speaker Newt Gingrich addresses the Family Research Council's Values Voter Summit in Washington on October 7, 2011.    AFP PHOTO/Nicholas KAMM (Photo credit should read NICHOLAS KAMM/AFP/Getty Images)
Newt Gingrich has been validated by the Energy Star program. Photo: Nicholas Kamm/AFP/Getty Images/2011 AFP

When I first moved into my own apartment after college, I made use of an old air conditioner that had been collecting dust in a corner of my parents' basement for years. It weighed about 500 pounds, sounded like the Tin Man running a 5k, and barely cooled the room. It was, I suspected, the original air conditioner prototype. After a couple of years, I decided to finally shell out for a quieter, more efficient model, one with fancy settings like a sleep timer and an energy-saving mode. Coincidentally, my upgraded air conditioner has many of the same characteristics as Newt Gingrich:

David Brody: “What's the difference between being in your 60’s compared to being in your 40’s doing this? I mean, you're running for the President now in your 60’s compared to where you were twenty years ago.”

Newt Gingrich: “Oh, I'm much better now. I waste less energy. I do fewer dumb things .... I'm much more effective per hour, than I was in my forties.  And I'm also more disciplined about knowing when to go to sleep, and knowing when to stop and knowing when to take a break than I was when I was in my forties.”

Also, if you tip Newt Gingrich on his side, he will leak water. Don't ask me why, it just happens.