According to Michele Bachmann’s Insane Logic, Gays Already Have Marriage Equality

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According to Michele Bachmann, the world's most disingenuous person, gay Americans already have the same marriage rights as straight Americans. Because gay people can get married if they want, just as long as they marry people of the opposite sex whom they are not attracted to. "Every American citizen has the right to avail themselves of marriage, but they have to follow what the laws are," she explained to a high-schooler in Waverly, Iowa, yesterday. "And the laws are you marry a person of the opposite sex." Onlookers actually applauded this, as if it made any sense. "There are no special rights for people based upon your sex practices," she added.

Actually, there are: Straight people have the right to marry people they love, and gay people don't.  If you're going to be a bigot, own it. Don't try to disguise your prejudice as principled egalitarianism. It is embarrassing.