Snowpocalypsemageddonthonfest This Saturday!*

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It will not look like this.
It will not look like this. Photo: Mario Tama/Getty Images

* The forecast doesn't call for an amount of snow that really warrants the name Snowpocalypsemageddonthonfest, which, according to official weather guidelines, should only be used to refer to accumulations of no less than 35 feet. Instead, we're looking at something in the neighborhood of 2-6 inches, starting in the early morning hours on Saturday. However, apart from a couple of barely noticeable flurries here and there, New York City hasn't had any snow since that freak storm two days before Halloween. The way this winter is going, tomorrow might be all we get. So, while we don't recommend rushing to the store to buy bread — which is pointless anyway, unless you can't manage without bread for a few hours, you psychopath — we do recommend pretending that this very nonthreatening snowstorm is preventing you from leaving your apartment tomorrow, giving you no choice but to get drunk while taking down an entire season of show X you've been meaning to catch up on.