That Rug Really Tied the Room Together

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A deadly weapon Photo: iStockphoto

An aide to Marco Rubio has been placed on administrative leave for allegedly rolling his wife up in a carpet and beating her:

Brennan’s wife, Kelly Brennan, told sheriff’s deputies that she called 911 after a fight with her husband at their home in Bonita Springs, according to the police report.

She and her husband had begun arguing while driving home. Upon getting out of the vehicle, he pushed her onto a carpet that was lying on the garage floor. She pretended to pass out, she told investigators, and he began to roll her up in the carpet “as if I was dead or something.”

He then proceeded to kick and punch at the carpet with her inside, she said. After her husband went inside their house, she followed him to confront him, and the two began arguing again.

Carpet rolling is not as unusual a mode of violence as you might think. Michael Scalon, a former House Republican aide and crony of Jack Abramoff, once invoked carpet rolling as a metaphor for political revenge:

You kick him until he passes out. Then beat him over the head with a baseball bat, then roll him up in an old rug and throw him off a cliff into the pound surf below!!!!!

The Mongols under Genghis Khan and his successors also traditionally used this method. They had a taboo against shedding the blood of nobles, so they would roll captured noble victims in carpets and crush them, often in excruciating ways, such as having lengthy feasts on top of their victims.