This Article on ‘How to Date a Wall Street Man’ Is Not a Parody

By
Photo: Chris Gramly/iStock

Or is it actually a genius parody? Consider this advice, doled out by a professional matchmaker, with a time stamp that does, in fact, indicate that this was written in the year 2012, and a URL that does not point to the Onion:

First, "While a Wall Street man tends to like a little bit of a challenge when it comes to dating, he still likes things to be convenient and easy for him." So be easy.

Second, while you ought to have some industry knowledge ("Learn a little something about the financial markets and notice if something huge happens on a given day, negative or positive") under no circumstances should you be so interested or knowledgeable as to actually be tempted to work in finance yourself. "Wall Street men tend to be attracted to women who are in industries other than Wall Street."

But if you work in communications, you'll need to leave that verbal stuff at the office. Be as close to silent as possible. "Tell stories that are short and sweet because the mind of a Wall Street man is always moving so rapidly and focusing on so many different things that his attention span for social stories is very short." Got it. But how to look?

This one doesn't require much explanation. "Be sexy." There's much more advice in the article, but that seems like the important prescription. She probably should have started with it, actually. My attention span for social stories is very short.