New York Trumps Canada in Niagara Falls Tightrope Fight

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Photo: Three Lions

Amid last year's fight over marriage equality, New York state also deigned to allow circus scion Nik Wallenda to walk across the Niagara Falls gorge on a tightrope, thereby adding some stakes to all that rushing water. Unfortunately, Canada is on the other side, and they decided to be snobby about what they see as unnecessary "stunting." But today, in a change of heart, the authorities gave in to "an intense lobbying push by Mr. Wallenda and funambulism enthusiasts across two countries." America!

The Niagara Parks Commission gave Wallenda their unanimous consent for the daredevil act today after the brave, seventh-generation performer cornered the Ontario tourism minister and probably swore to him he wouldn't fall. "Praise God for His unmerited favor!" Wallenda wrote on Twitter. Let's hope He is still paying attention during the actual walk.