Valentine's Day, so we are told by the Hallmark-Teleflora romantic industrial complex, is all about the color red, overpriced bushels of roses, overpriced boxes of Swiss chocolate, overpriced shiny things, and lots and lots of hearts plastered everywhere — a sickening number of hearts, in fact. If you happen to buy into that, great, New York has already compiled the authoritative guide to the perfect Valentine's day in the city. But if not, we here at Intel thought to offer up a few alternatives for the more adventurous (or less traditionally romantic), which may or may not include D.J. Pauly D from Jersey Shore and taking a morning tour of the city's largest sewage-treatment plant.
Can't You Just Smell the
Roses Sewage: The Newton Creek Wastewater Treatment Plant has announced that it will be running a special Valentine's Day tour on the morning of February 14. Along with a magnificent view of the Manhattan skyline — and one Hershey's kiss per guest — you'll get to brag to all your friends: "Where did he take me on Valentine’s Day? I went to see the digester eggs in Greenpoint, Brooklyn." (At least that was plant superintendent Jim Pynn's pitch.)
Fancy Dining (in the Dark): If you're looking for a little change from the I-can-see-what-I'm-eating experience, head over to Camaje in the West Village where, for $124, you will don a blindfold and eat whatever chef Abigail Hitchcock decides to feed you. There's even live entertainment, though that is also going to be a total surprise.
Dance the Night Away, Jersey Shore–Style: If you're over 21 and not overly threatened by over-the-top European-style megaclubs, head over to Pacha in Hell's Kitchen, where you will be serenaded by D.J. Pauly D. In case you're dating someone even semi-respectable and have realized you're in over your head, this might be the perfect way to show them they'd better cut their losses.
Everyone Loves a Good Rejection Story: Again, this might be more appropriate for someone looking to end a relationship on Valentine's Day (or just looking for ideas on how to do it), but Littlefield in Gowanus will be putting on a live comedy show on Valentine's Day aptly titled Rejected: Tales of the Failed Dumped & Canceled.
Naturally, even if you do go this alternate route, you will still have to buy your date all of the expensive schmaltzy stuff mentioned above.