The Great American Mustache Scandal

PARKS AND RECREATION -- Pictured: Nick Offerman as Ron Swanson -- NBC Photo: Mitchell Haaseth
A great American mustache-wearer.Photo: Mitchell Haaseth/NBC

The American Mustache Institute is a real organization, with a real tax plan. It’s called the ‘STACHE Act, and it involves giving tax breaks to mustache wearers, which is unfortunately not actually the craziest tax proposal under discussion in America. The AMI, naturally, wants to drum up congressional support for such a thing, and so they reached out to mustachioed Maryland Rep. Roscoe Bartlett. Someone in his office forwarded the tax proposal to the House Ways and Means Committee, according to Politico, which did not report on whether there were any variations on “LOL” appended to the correspondence.

Naturally, the AMI was delighted to hear that he was taking the proposal so seriously, and so a spokesman for Bartlett was forced to issue the following statement, thereby alienating Bartlett from people who find facial hair more important than Social Security or infrastructure,  probably a key constituency:  “For the record: Roscoe is pro-stache, but he does not believe Americans should pay for people’s personal grooming decisions.” The AMI fired back quickly by calling it a shameful reversal, but couldn’t be TOO hard on one of their own. “”We are highly disappointed by their reversal based on the fact that the congressman’s opponents in the race are jumping on the bandwagon to criticize him,”AMI chairman Aaron Perlut told Politico. “They obviously don’t understand what it is to be a mustached American.” And just so there were no hard feelings, they plan to send Bartlett’s spokesperson an autographed photo of Burt Reynolds. Possible AMI-backed candidate for 2012?