Psst ... Mitt Romney Won Last Night

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Santorum smiling to hide the pain.Photo: Sean Gardner/Getty Images

His wins in the deep South were nice and all, but last night didn't actually bring Rick Santorum any closer to the GOP presidential nomination that ostensibly remains his goal. That's because long after the East Coast Lamestream Media had gone to sleep, because they are lame, Mitt Romney easily won the caucuses in Hawaii and American Samoa (which consisted of about 70 Republicans meeting at a local bar). Combined with the proportionally allocated delegates he took from losses in Mississippi and Alabama, Romney ended the night, according to an AP count, with at least 41 delegates to Santorum's 35, Newt Gingrich's 24, and Ron Paul's ... 1.

Yes, Santorum won the states everyone was actually trying to win, so bully for him. But the only tender that gets you anywhere at the convention is delegates. You can't buy a car with a big sack of yogurt tops (seriously, don't try this, it's a huge waste of time and yogurt), and you can't secure the nomination with a basket of hard-fought victories.