Romney Silences Doubters With Crushing Victory in Tiny Western Pacific Islands

Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney attends a Super Tuesday Republican primary elections evening in Boston, Massaschusetts, March 6, 2012. Republican voters made their way to the polls in the Super Tuesday primary elections in 10 states and 437 delegates at stake. AFP PHOTO/Emmanuel Dunand (Photo credit should read EMMANUEL DUNAND/AFP/Getty Images)
Thank you, oh distant islands that most Americans totally forget even exist, except during particularly-tight races like this one. (EMMANUEL DUNAND/AFP/Getty Images)Photo: EMMANUEL DUNAND/2012 AFP

As part of his strategy to rustle up delegates any which way he can, Mitt Romney even threw money and one of his sons at today’s sparsely attended caucuses in Guam and the Northern Mariana Islands. Romney clinched every, repeat every, one of Guam’s 251 caucusgoers (215, says the WSJ), who voted by a show of hands. Over in the Northern Mariana Islands, he nabbed 87 percent of the 848 votes cast. (Seems those desperate phone calls Rick Santorum made to Guam’s GOP leaders, who called him “misinformed” on the important Guam issues of the day, clearly got him nowhere.) With eighteen delegates already in the bag, Romney may win another nine in the U.S. Virgin Islands later today, where we assume he’s already sent another of his dashing sons or maybe that family dog everyone (or at least Gail Collins) is always going on about — you know, the one who “likes” to ride on the roof of the Romney station wagon. And, as they say, how the American island territories go, so goes the nation. Well, maybe no one says that yet, but the Romney campaign and caucus-nauseous Republicans are sure hoping it’s true.