Zombies Attacking President Obama

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Photo: Mandel Ngan/AFP/Getty Images, Saul Loeb/AFP/Getty Images, Jewel Samad/AFP/Getty Images, Mario Tama/Getty Images

Not that you'll hear it reported by the so-called "media," but President Obama has been attacked on a regular basis by hordes of zombies since the moment he stepped into the national spotlight. Amazingly, Obama manages to remain relatively calm during these life-threatening zombie encounters, sometimes smiling and waving to the zombies or even cavalierly shaking a zombie hand or two for the cameras. While Obama has, miraculously, avoided contamination so far, it's unclear why he continues to hold events in zombie-dense areas in the first place, or why the Secret Service allows him to get so close to creatures that would like nothing more than to tear him apart and feast on his organs.

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