Zombies Attacking President Obama

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Photo: Mandel Ngan/AFP/Getty Images, Saul Loeb/AFP/Getty Images, Jewel Samad/AFP/Getty Images, Mario Tama/Getty Images

Not that you'll hear it reported by the so-called "media," but President Obama has been attacked on a regular basis by hordes of zombies since the moment he stepped into the national spotlight. Amazingly, Obama manages to remain relatively calm during these life-threatening zombie encounters, sometimes smiling and waving to the zombies or even cavalierly shaking a zombie hand or two for the cameras. While Obama has, miraculously, avoided contamination so far, it's unclear why he continues to hold events in zombie-dense areas in the first place, or why the Secret Service allows him to get so close to creatures that would like nothing more than to tear him apart and feast on his organs.

UNITY, NH - JUNE 27: Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) greets the crowd after appearing with Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY) June 27, 2008 in Unity, New Hampshire. Obama and Clinton appeared together in a show of unity for Obama's presidential campaign. (Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images) Photo: Mario Tama/Getty Images
US President Barack Obama greets supporters after speaking at a rally for Congressman Tom Perriello, D-Va, in Charlottesville, Virginia, on October 29, 2010, ahead of midterms elections. Photo: JEWEL SAMAD/AFP/Getty Images
GREENVILLE, NC - APRIL 17: Democratic presidential candidate Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) greets supporters following a rally at East Carolina University April 17, 2008 in Greenville, North Carolina. Voters in North Carolina and Indiana go to the polls May 6th. (Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images) Photo: Scott Olson/Getty Images
MIAMI, FL- OCTOBER 21: Democratic presidential nominee U.S. Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) greets people during a campaign rally October 21, 2008 in Miami, Florida. Obama continues to campaign as Election Day begins to draw near as he runs against his Republican challenger, Sen. John McCain. (Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images) Photo: Joe Raedle/Getty Images
US President Barack Obama greets supporters as he arrives to speak on his proposed American Jobs Act September 27, 2011 at Abraham Lincoln High School in Denver, Colorado. AFP PHOTO/Mandel NGAN (Photo credit should read MANDEL NGAN/AFP/Getty Images) Photo: MANDEL NGAN/AFP/Getty Images
ALBUQUERQUE, NM- OCTOBER 25: Democratic presidential nominee U.S. Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) greets people during a campaign event at the University of New Mexico October 25, 2008 in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Obama continues to campaign as Election Day begins to draw near as he runs against his Republican challenger, Sen. John McCain. (Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images) Photo: EMMANUEL DUNAND/2008 AFP
SUNRISE, FL- OCTOBER 29: Democratic presidential nominee U.S. Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) greets people during a campaign rally at Bank Atlantic Center Arena October 29, 2008 in Sunrise, Florida. Obama continues to campaign as Election Day begins to draw near as he runs against his Republican challenger, Sen. John McCain. (Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images) Photo: Joe Raedle/Getty Images
US President Barack Obama (TopC) greets fans as he visits Moneygall village in rural County Offaly, Ireland, where his great-great-great grandfather Falmouth Kearney hailed from, on May 23, 2011. Obama landed in Ireland on May 23, 2011 for a visit celebrating his ancestral roots, kicking off a four-nation European tour. Photo: AFP/Getty Images
Democratic presidential candidate U.S. Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) greets people in a crowd of more than 18,000 during a rally at the Key Arena February 8, 2008 in Seattle, Washington. With one day before the Washington State Democratic caucuses, vying for 78 pledged votes, Obama picked up the support of Seattle Mayor Greg Nickels, Rep. Adam Smith (D-WA), and, Washington Gov. Christine Gregoire. Photo: Stephen Brashear/Getty Images
US President Barack Obama greets students after speaking on energy and the economy following a tour of the Industrial Assessment Center at the University of Miami in Miami, Florida, on February 23, 2012. The center teaches students about industrial energy efficiency as they help small and mid-sized companies reduce energy costs. Photo: SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images
BEAVER, PA - AUGUST 29: Democratic U.S. Presidential nominee Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) greets the crowd at Irvine Park August 29, 2008 in Beaver, Pennsylvania. Obama is campaigning the day after the Democratic Convention and officially becoming the first African-American nominated as a candidate for U.S. president by a major party. (Photo by Justin Merriman/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Barack Obama Photo: Justin Merriman/Getty Images
US President Barack Obama greets students and other attendees after speaking at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, Michigan, on January 27, 2012 expanding on his State of the Union proposals to keep college affordable and within reach for all Americans. Photo: JEWEL SAMAD/AFP/Getty Images
US President Barack Obama greets students after speaking on energy use and the economy following a tour of the Industrial Assessment Center at the University of Miami in Miami, Florida, February 23, 2012. The center teaches students about industrial energy efficiency as they help small and mid-sized companies reduce energy costs. Photo: SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images