The Married Suburban Dad Trying to Make a Sex Tape With His Wife

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Once a week, Daily Intel takes a peek behind doors left slightly ajar. This week,the Married Suburban Dad Trying to Make a Sex Tape With His Wife: Male, 38, Toronto suburbs, typesetter, bisexual, married (for ten years).

DAY ONE

7:30 a.m. My kids are here this weekend, but everyone else is still asleep. Getting some work done on the laptop. Also looking at morning porn. Ms. Fix-It didn't feel well and passed out early last night. Do I have time to rub one out? Apparently not — footsteps on the stairs. 

2 p.m. It is a swim meet weekend for the older child, fortunately in town. I can drop her off for warm up and run errands between races.

2:45 p.m. We don't have any hot lifeguards at our pool. But some of the swim moms and dads are nice to look at. Ms. Fix-It and I may be monogamous, but my eyes and mind still enjoy the great big poly orgy of people around me.

4 p.m. Dropped Younger off at a friend's and came back to the house. Ms. Fix-It is in quite the mood so we throw a quick-but-not-too-quick one down before we head out to pick up Younger and then back for the final race of the day. I remember to wash my face and hands (not really wanting to as I love the smell of Ms. Fix-It on me) before we head over.  

6:30 p.m. Older is in the last race and last heat of the day. It is a 800m one. Long race. Looking forward to getting home. These weekends are exhausting.

7:30 p.m. Dinner was thrown together, but we are all fed. Older is downstairs. Younger is hanging out with me (she's my little buddy these days). Ms. Fix-It is still in sexy spirits so I'm counting down till bedtime. 

9 p.m. Older heads to bed early. One to go.

9:30 p.m. And down goes Younger. I'm passing out on the couch.

10:30 p.m. Ms. Fix-It very kindly cleans up and puts the fire out. Wakes me up. Has no intention of letting me fall back asleep. Fortunately, my body reacts to the nap in good and energetic ways. Our recently purchased toy, a rabbit vibrator, is given its second run on her and is confirmed to be a good buy.

DAY TWO

7:30 a.m. Uncharacteristically, given that she's almost a teenager, Older wakes me up. She's complaining about feeling like there's water stuck in her ear. 

10:30 a.m. Easygoing morning. Everyone is chill, reading papers, watching TV. The pets have all been taken care of. Pretty much the model of suburbia, right here. 

11:30 a.m. A couple days ago I was a bit obsessed with a couple of sex plans and had hoped to make at least one happen on Friday night. Either fisting Ms. Fix-It (something we've been working on) or me receiving her strap-on (something that hasn't happened for a long time). Maybe tonight? 

1:30 p.m. Dropped Older off at the pool. Her ear still hurts. Back at home, making a guitar with Younger for a school project on sound, tone, and pitch. Ms. Fix-It is sorting and putting away her array of tools (actual tools, not sex tools). I'm not ashamed to admit that (a) she has way more tools that me and (b) she actually knows how to use all the tools she owns. I call her a dude a lot. And now I'm thinking about the strap-on idea a lot. 

4 p.m. Older has had two phenomenal races today, winning them and significantly reducing her personal bests. Unfortunately, her ear is hurting too much and we're off to the ER. 

6:30 p.m. Good thing about the 'burbs? Surprisingly short ER visit. Ear infection. We've stopped for dinner. She's passing out at the table, poor thing. 

7 p.m. I order a ridiculous amount of chicken wings. I also notice the waitress is hot. Really hot. Ms. Fix-It notices me noticing. I think she looks like a porn star ... but I can't place the name. This is going to bug me because I really should be able to figure this out. I try not to be too obvious. Ms. Fix-It giggles at me knowingly.

8:15 p.m. Older is curled in a blanket watching TV downstairs. Younger is watching TV. I tell Ms. Fix-It what I was trying to figure out with the waitress. I still haven't figured out her name, but it is right on the tip of my tongue. 

8:20 p.m. Dealing with their mother. I hate my ex. I didn't ask the right questions at the ER. Whatever.  

9 p.m. Dropped off the kids and now we're walking the dog to blow off steam from the ex. 

9:30 p.m. E-mail and game playing. I'm passing out. Getting used to commuting is hard. My body wants to shut down early, but then I just have a terrible sleep and still wake up at five. I don't care about going out these days but I don't like being too tired to have sex. That is really getting to me. 

10 p.m. Even the "low-end" sex with Ms. Fix-It is good. I'm exhausted and wasn't really up for much. She changed my mind for a fast-and-furious romp. I'm not a big fan of "get it up and put it in" sex, but that was about all I could manage. Mostly I was interested in being close to her. 

DAY THREE

6 a.m. I am not a fan of this wake up time. Feed cat, shower, feed dog, lizards, guinea pigs. We have a zoo, apparently.

7 a.m. After Ms. Fix-It drops me off at the subway, I pull out The Mammoth Book of Best New Erotica 10 and settle in for the last part of the journey.

Noon I actually have work to do this week. So far. Lingering fears about long-term job security.

5:15 p.m. Trip to my favorite Toronto sex shop, Come As You Are, to pick up prizes for a radio show I'm involved with. Not in the mood to look around though. 

5:45 p.m. Meet up with The Teacher. We had lived in the same building for years, but lately have only seen each other once a month or so. Since I moved to the suburbs, we've managed to have beers a couple times. He's got a campaign coming up, wants me to produce some handbills for him. Still remarkable to be having beer on a patio, in a T-shirt, in Toronto, in April.

7:30 p.m. Time for one of my favourite activities! I'm part of a small erotica writing group. We get together once a month. Tonight there's just Ms. Blue, Mr. Radio, and me. Mr. Radio's piece is hot. I thought it was going to go rapey but he reigned it in. 

9:13 p.m. On the train home. Texting with Ms. Fix-It; she's going to pick me up. These pants are seriously chafing, I don't think I could manage the walk from the train. I tell her to pick me up in lingerie. Can't imagine she'll go for that.

9:45 p.m. She did it! Awesome! When I first got in the car I didn't see it, but then she unzipped her heavy coat to reveal her black, beaded corset.

10:45 p.m. After a drink and some chitchat we hit the sheets. I love the way her body is framed by this corset. 

DAY FOUR

6 a.m. I'm on my own for the commute this morning. Manage to throw in a quick wank before biking to the subway. 

10:16 a.m. Ms. Fix-It is up. She's off today and apparently keen to get off. We're playing a bit with me being dominant. My belief is that she'd be happy to fully submit, but she won't. I really can't tell sometimes if she's got lingering inhibitions or just isn't interested. The new toy gets its first solo try. She tells me it makes her come hard. I'm not getting up from my desk anytime soon.

4:55 p.m. This is the first time this dirty-story collection has actually given me a hard-on. Good thing my station isn't for another little while. 

6 p.m. The kids are here. Younger is swinging on the swing out front. Older follows Ms. Fix-It around talking and asking questions. I'm working the grill. It is evenings like this that make the move worth it. 

7:30 p.m. Finishing Younger's homemade guitar. I hope it lasts until she hands it in on Friday. 

9:05 p.m. Dropped the kids back home. Ms. Fix-It is harassing me because I don't want a quickie before we drive into the city. I just don't feel like taking my clothes off and then putting them back on. 

11 p.m. In the city to host the radio show. It is fund-raising week. As much as I don't enjoy these fund-raising shows, it is cool to chat with amazing folks like Buck Angel. Volunteering on a sex show has its perks. Ms. Fix-It has come along to work the phones for us. We get through it, we get our pledges. 

12:45 a.m. Finally home. The thought of getting up at six is daunting. I turn down Ms. Fix-It again. She's going to tease me relentlessly tomorrow.

DAY FIVE

6 a.m. Oh good god I'm tired. I used to be able to go on a couple hours sleep for weeks in a row. Now one night does me in.

9:45 a.m. Aw crap, our employee appreciation lunch is postponed. Simple pleasures like a free lunch give me such joy. Sigh.

6 p.m. Zipping around downtown after work. I need new labret jewelry. Got one as well as a new nipple ring for Ms. Fix-It's son. We're off to visit him at university next week. Also happened upon a forgotten-about sex shop and found some sexy stockings on sale, and grabbed a vibrating cock ring too. Lucky find!

9:30 p.m. Enjoying a chill evening at home. I remember who the waitress looks like. Misti Dawn. We check her out online. Then we move over to some funny videos. I love Beer and Boardgames. Best YouTube show ever. 

11:17 p.m. Wow. We haven't had sex like that for a while. Rough. Very rough. Biting, scratching, grasping, pounding. I thought I'd fold her in half. We're both so tired we might not be registering the pain, but we've certainly got the marks.

DAY SIX

8:16 a.m. Day off, going to see Younger in a drama competition at school. This is my version of sleeping in. I've got the laptop in bed, catching up on stuff. I've got plans to make a short erotic video with Ms. Fix-It today before she goes to work. I'm hot thinking about it. But she likes to sleep in, so I'll wait a bit before waking her.

10:25 a.m. Bloody cat woke her up. Actually, that's fine by me. Morning sex has never been my cup of tea, but it is good when I can have a couple hours to wake up first. 

11:15 a.m. Time for the video shoot. I'm keen to learn video work. Ms. Fix-It would never allow actual sex filming, so I've got her legs "punked out" in some wild flame stockings. I'm going to write a short erotic story to dub over it. She's got sexy, sexy legs. 

1:15 p.m. Ms. Fix-It can't stay awake today. She's not feeling well, sinus issues. I do housework.

4 p.m. At the school, Younger is so excited. Her group has been working on this for months.

5:20 p.m. Well, that sucks. I'm not being biased, but Younger's group was robbed. Clear favouritism by the teacher and judges. Grrr. She's very upset, lots of tears. We're going for frozen lemonade.

9:45 p.m. Dropped off the kids, worked on the video. Passing out when Ms. Fix-It arrives home. I'm a disappointment again tonight. 

10:15 p.m. I'm done. Off to bed.

DAY SEVEN

6 a.m. It is a bad thing that I slept through the night. That means I'm fully exhausted.

9 a.m. I have no work today. Nothing will come. Fortunately I've got a bunch of TV to watch. And writing to do. And personal projects to work on. If I can stay awake, that is. 

2:15 p.m. Shows are done. Writing done. Projects done. I really wish I could watch porn at work. 

4:30 p.m. Hatching a plan with a couple co-workers in case we lose our jobs. Embracing our inner nerds. I'm more of a sex nerd, but I can get into their nerdiness as well.

7 p.m. Still at work. Ms. Fix-It is picking me up. We're off to IKEA, again. It used to be that our once a year trip to IKEA was exciting. We've been there a lot lately. 

9:30 p.m. Finally home. I set up sauce to cook. Gnocchi and YouTube. 

11 p.m. Being this tired, I resent going to bed at 11 on a Friday night. Not even interested in sex again. But then we start talking about fantasy. Ms. Fix-It loves sex but doesn't really discuss fantasies. But I have gotten it out of her that she'd like a threesome with me and another dude. With her being fiercely monogamous, it isn't likely to happen, but the mental picture (I wonder if I get to be in on that guy action?) is plenty of fun and results in hot fingering and a handjob for me. This week is done.

TOTALS: Two sex shops visited; one erotica meeting attended; one public transit boner; one work boner; one session of sex chat at work; two masturbation moments; one handjob received; six acts of intercourse.