Authorities were called to Scholes Street today after a witness reported a suspicious bag lying in a pile of garbage. Here’s how the investigation went down, according to the surveillance cameras that Daily Intel maintains on every street corner in the city:
Officer O’Brien: It’s beeping. Stay back.
Officer Johnson: What is it?
Officer O’Brien: Hold on, I’m going to try something.
Officer Johnson: What are you doing?! No, don’t touch the black button!!!
Cue Casio’s peppy, pre-programmed backbeat.