It was reported yesterday that Levi Johnston and his girlfriend, Sunny Oglesby, plan to name their new daughter Breeze Beretta. Here is a one-scene play exploring how that probably happened.
Sunny: Levi! Why in God’s name are you just hanging out on the porch, doing dip and drinking moonshine out of a bottle with three Xs on it, when you should be working on coming up with a name for the baby like I asked you to?
Levi: Oh, yeah, uh … actually, I already came up with a name! That’s why!
Sunny: Oh really? What is it?
Levi: Um, it’s … uh …
[a gust of cool Alaskan air blows across the porch]
Levi: Breeze! The name I came up with is Breeze.
Sunny: Huh … Breeze. Yeah, I kinda like that. You’re so creative, Levi! But you really shouldn’t be out here, getting plastered on moonshine, until we think up a middle name for little Breeze.
Levi: Oh, well, I already thought of a middle name, too.
Sunny: Really?!? I can’t wait to hear it.
Levi: Oh. So, the middle name, which I came up with, earlier, is …
[Levi desperately looks around the porch]
Levi: … I really think you’ll like it …
[He continues searching his immediate environment for some kind of inspiration]
Sunny: Just say it already!
Levi: Okay, jeez! The middle name is, uh …
[Levi spots a Beretta laying atop a shoebox full of guns]
Sunny: Breeze Beretta? That’s what you want to call our little girl? Our angel?
Levi: Yeah? I guess?
Sunny: I love it!
Levi: You do?
Sunny: Yes! And I love you, Levi Johnston.
Levi: And I love you, current girlfriend.
[Sunny kisses Levi, and he tastes like chewing tobacco and moonshine]