imagined conversations

How Levi Johnston Chose His Daughter’s Name

Levi Johnston visits Dave & Buster's Time Square on September 21, 2011 in New York City.
Levi Johnston.

It was reported yesterday that Levi Johnston and his girlfriend, Sunny Oglesby, plan to name their new daughter Breeze Beretta. Here is a one-scene play exploring how that probably happened. 

Sunny: Levi! Why in God’s name are you just hanging out on the porch, doing dip and drinking moonshine out of a bottle with three Xs on it, when you should be working on coming up with a name for the baby like I asked you to?

Levi: Oh, yeah, uh … actually, I already came up with a name! That’s why!

Sunny: Oh really? What is it?

Levi: Um, it’s … uh 

[a gust of cool Alaskan air blows across the porch]

Levi: Breeze! The name I came up with is Breeze.

Sunny: Huh … Breeze. Yeah, I kinda like that. You’re so creative, Levi! But you really shouldn’t be out here, getting plastered on moonshine, until we think up a middle name for little Breeze.

Levi: Oh, well, I already thought of a middle name, too.

Sunny: Really?!? I can’t wait to hear it.

Levi: Oh. So, the middle name, which I came up with, earlier, is 

[Levi desperately looks around the porch]

Levi: … I really think you’ll like it 

[He continues searching his immediate environment for some kind of inspiration]

Sunny: Just say it already!

Levi: Okay, jeez! The middle name is, uh 

[Levi spots a Beretta laying atop a shoebox full of guns]

Levi: Beretta!

Sunny: Breeze Beretta? That’s what you want to call our little girl? Our angel?

Levi: Yeah? I guess?

Sunny: I love it!

Levi: You do?

Sunny: Yes! And I love you, Levi Johnston.

Levi: And I love you, current girlfriend.

[Sunny kisses Levi, and he tastes like chewing tobacco and moonshine]

Fin.