Alec Baldwin Acquires Marriage License, Punches Photographer

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Photo: Turgeon/Rocke/Splash News

Alec Baldwin has, lately, been a man transformed by love. Not only is he planning to make an honest woman of his yoga-instructor fiancée, Hilaria Thomas, it's been months since he called anyone an "uptight queen" or gotten kicked off an airplane for throwing a fit. Maybe, just maybe, Hilaria didn't recognize the man she'd fallen in love with.  Where was the fire? The passion? That famous Irish temper? Surely that's why, when the couple went to get their marriage license this morning, Baldwin allegedly punched out a Daily News photographer who was documenting the moment (along with a partner, apparently, who snapped the whole thing) and then tweeted that "#allpaparazzishouldbewaterboarded." For love. True love.

Baldwin didn't let the romantic moment end there, though! He prolonged it by tweeting sweet nothings. Like, for instance, this remark: "I suppose if the offending paparazzi was wearing a hoodie and I shot him, it would all blow over ... " And he returned to his favorite slur, just for old times' sake: "Ever since that English Queen took over the Daily News, they lie like the Post... " and "Her Highness Colin Myler... Please don't do to the News what you did to NOTW."

According to Baldwin's favorite outlet, the Daily News photographer, Marcus Santos, is filing a criminal complaint against Baldwin for what he's calling an unprovoked attack. Baldwin, meanwhile, is claiming the reverse, with a side-dash of conspiracy theory: "The photographer who assaulted me has (belatedly) gone to a hospital claiming injuries. Colin Myler and his NOTW scams come to NY." What can he possibly do to top this on the big day itself?