Those Stowaways Mysteriously Disappeared, or Never Existed

Thanks for nothing, ship. Photo: Julio Cortez

Remember those stowaways that were supposedly trapped in a shipping container yesterday? Well, they ... didn't exist. Or they magically vanished into thin air. The search was called off last night after 163 containers had been checked for people and none were found, despite six hours of tapping noises which "became weaker and weaker" over time until they disappeared entirely, according to a Coast Guard spokesman. Neither the Coast Guard nor anybody else has offered an explanation for the sounds, but we're going to go with pirate ghosts.