In just the past week, a naked man ate a homeless guy's face in Miami, a New Jersey man threw his intestines at police, a Canadian porn star killed a man and ate parts of his body before mailing other parts to government officials, a Maryland man killed his roommate and ate his heart and brain, and a Staten Island pizza parlor owner nommed a dude's ear. It seems clear that this sudden burst of zombie activity points inexorably to the beginning of the end for mankind. But we started to wonder this morning — from inside our fortified, WiFi enabled, mountainside bunker — whether the only thing that's changed is that, in the wake of the headline-grabbing Miami incident, we've suddenly started paying a lot more attention to zombie-esque stories than we had in the past. After digging around, we found that while the frequency of cannibal stories over the past week is unusual, this kind of stuff happens fairly regularly. Here is a rundown of what we've found from just the past six months.
"Police in southwest China have detained a man suspected of murdering more than a dozen boys and young men, chopping up their bodies and selling the flesh to unsuspecting consumers, reports said Friday."
"A Swiss politician has been accused of advertising for cannibals to kill and eat the mother and daughter of a policeman friend going through a 'tricky' divorce."
"Police have arrested three people for allegedly killing at least two women, eating parts of their bodies and using their flesh to make stuffed pastries known as empanadas that they sold to neighbors in their northeastern Brazil city."
"A 79-year-old man accused of killing his wife ate some of her flesh and was found sitting in a rocking chair in their Shrewsbury apartment, covered in blood, a prosecutor said Friday."
"Russian police have arrested a man who admitted killing at least six people before eating their hearts and livers, media said."
"A Russian man killed a drinking partner after he and his friends ran out of snacks at a vodka party - then sold the leftovers as pork at a market. The 35-year-old admitted stabbing his fellow drinker, 41, to death before slicing flesh off the corpse, which he cooked and ate, police said."
"Serbian gangsters allegedly beat a traitorous associate to death with a hammer before cooking and eating his remains in Spain, police said."
"A Florida man has been arrested for allegedly hacking to death a Connecticut man and eating the victim's eye and part of his brain."
"Police say a man in Indiana accused of stealing a car threatened to hunt down and eat his arresting officers, their families and police dogs."
In a weird way, it's kind of a relief. The world isn't ending! People actually eat other people all the time! Of course, the bad news is that people eat other people all the time.
Most Viewed Stories
It Has Been a Very Long Time Since a Monologue Joke Bombed As Hard As the One Seth Meyers Tried Last Night
Hearing Donald Trump Refer to Ted Cruz As a ‘Pussy’ Told Me Everything I Need to Know About His Campaign
Stephen King Confirms Idris Elba and Matthew McConaughey Are in Talks for That Dark Tower Adaptation
Archie Comic Reveals Jughead Is Asexual
Macklemore, Hillary, and Why White Privilege Is Everyone’s Burden
The 100 Jokes That Shaped Modern Comedy
What Romance Really Means After 10 Years of Marriage
How the Fight Over Transgender Kids Got a Leading Sex Researcher Fired
20 Intimate, Behind-the-Scenes Moments From Oscars Past
Liz Meriwether on How They Changed New Girl While Zooey Deschanel Is on Maternity Leave
Latest News from Daily IntelligencerFBI Reveals It Can’t Unlock San Bernardino Shooter’s Phone, Sparks New Encryption Debate
James Comey raised the issue before Congress.Fresh Intelligence: DOJ Threatens Legal Action in Ferguson, New Hampshire Reshuffles Race, and More
Our roundup of the stories, ideas, and memes you’ll be talking about today.Liveblog: Primary Night in New Hampshire
Watch the results come in with Daily Intelligencer.Paul LePage Claims Racist Remarks Were Part of a Clever Strategy
Shocker: He was talking about black drug dealers the whole time!Fox News Settles in for a Long Campaign With Donald Trump, a Candidate Who Proves the Network Has Lost Its Power
His success has stirred confusion throughout Fox and ignited a war between Bill O'Reilly and Megyn Kelly.Mazel Tov to Bernie Sanders, the First Jew to Win a Presidential Primary
Sanders's triumph in New Hampshire is a landmark in the history of Jewish-American socialism.Donald Trump, Marco Rubio, and the Republican Establishment’s Tragedy of the Commons
The richly deserved collapse of a rotten party elite.Sanders Won Almost Every Demographic in New Hampshire — and the Pressure Is All on Clinton Now
But there are some important demographics that weren't represented.Key Takeaways From the New Hampshire Primary Exit Polls
Marco Rubio coming out as a cyborg appears to have influenced the GOP race.Supreme Court Halts Obama Power Plan
The presidential election might determine the fate of the planet. No pressure.
Early voting is already under way in some of the upcoming primary states, so organization is at a premium.Chris Christie, the Second-Best Bully of the GOP Field
The New Jersey governor's run is probably coming to a close.The Evanescence of the SAT Word
Expurgated from the test.Oil Just Keeps Getting Cheaper
The price of crude is nearing its lowest mark in more than a decade.Bernie Sanders Can’t Be the Democratic Future Unless His Millennial Base Gets a Lot More Diverse
Black and brown members of Gen Y may have something different to say about the shape of the party's future.The Bizarre Final Hours of the New Hampshire Primary Campaign
What a long, strange trip it's been.New York Magazine Competition No. 66: Near-Miss Songs
The latest installment of our game.Streets in Queens and Brooklyn Are Under Water, Thanks to Some Winter-Storm Flooding
And more in this week of weird winter weather.Cam Newton Explains Why He Chose Not to Dive for That Super Bowl Fumble
Apparently his leg "could have been contorted."The GOP’s ‘2012 Autopsy Report’ Is Now Officially Dead and Buried
It's now clear the party leadership didn't know its audience when it urged GOPers to get behind comprehensive immigration reform or lose the future.