The Great New York City Vibrator Giveaway of 2012 Was a Big Bust [Updated]

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Sodom and Gomorrah, eat your heart out. So many New Yorkers lined up yesterday for Trojan's free-vibrators-from-hot-dog-carts bonanza that the city was forced to shut down the giveaway, the New York Post reports, to the dismay of the pent-up hordes. (A real person apparently said, "I'm 57 years old. I should be able to get a vibrator!") The "Pleasure Carts" in the Flatiron District and at South Street Seaport were both closed prematurely, not for sinning, but for crowd issues. "This activity promoting Trojan products, which impeded pedestrian and street traffic, did not have a permit," said City Hall in the least sexy statement ever. "Bloomberg doesn't want anyone to have fun," complained one woman. "You can't have a giant soda. You can't have a vibrator." Hasn't the mayor read the Constitution? The people deserve domestic tranquility.

Update: Breaking! For $3,100, Trojan was granted the permit they need to please the masses, and will try again on 14th Street between 5 p.m. and 7 p.m. tonight. Patience, people.