Six Things Mitt Romney Should Avoid Saying at the White House Tomorrow

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And he should brush his hair.Photo: mkb95/via Reddit

The nation's most famous loser, Mitt Romney, will take a break from his sad California vacation tomorrow in order to glimpse the life that might've been his. "On Thursday, Governor Romney will have a private lunch at the White House with President Obama in the Private Dining Room," Press Secretary Jay Carney announced this morning. "It will be the first opportunity they have had to visit since the election. There will be no press coverage of the meeting." There was, remember, no press coverage of the 47 percent fund-raiser or Romney's apology call to donors either, but we all know how those turned out. And so in the spirit of service, we've provided a not-at-all comprehensive collection of lines Romney should not, under any circumstance ever, utter in the company of the president.

1. "My house is bigger anyway."

2. "Can I just have a hug, please?"

3. "I brought you a gift."

4. "Are these cookies store-bought?"

5. "Ah, screw it — I'll take a beer!"

6. "Is that waiter wearing a wire?"