Nine Jobs That Mitt Romney Would Be Perfect For


After losing his second presidential race, Mitt Romney is finally done with elective office forever. Now speculation has begun as to what he'll do next. In the Times today, friends and advisers suggest that Romney might write a book, return to finance, or take a leadership role in the Mormon Church, among other fairly predictable options. But we have some other ideas for jobs that are perfectly suited to Romney's unique set of tastes and talents.

Tree Trimmer
Because Romney has somehow discovered the objectively ideal tree height.

Photo: Bill Oxford/Copyright: Bill Oxford

Transition Specialist
Because a guy who “loves being able to fire people” would be perfect for the job held by George Clooney’s character in Up in the Air.

New Mad Men Character
He buys the firm, lays off everyone except Don Draper and a janitor, and sells it for a $30 million profit six months later.

Because he looks like a mannequin.

 Former Massachusetts governor and Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney addresses questions about his faith and his wife's stance on abortion during a press conference before a town hall meeting on May 9, 2007 in Ames, Iowa.
Photo: Eric Rowley/Getty Images

NASCAR team owner
So he could hang out with his "great friends."

RICHMOND, VA - SEPTEMBER 08:  Republican presidential candidate, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney signs a car with a Romney/Ryan '12 logo in the garage area during a rain delay before the start of the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series Federated Auto Parts 400 at Richmond International Raceway on September 8, 2012 in Richmond, Virginia.  (Photo by Geoff Burke/Getty Images)
Photo: Geoff Burke/2012 Getty Images

Stock Photo Model
Romney could be paid handsomely just for posing while doing everyday things … handsomely.

HOLLAND, MI - JUNE 19:  Republican Presidential candidate, former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney and his wife, Ann Romney, walk on the beach after the last campaign rally as they complete their five day bus trip in Holland State Park June 19, 2012 in Holland, Michigan. Mr. Romney continues his battle against President Barack Obama for votes.  (Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images)
Photo: Joe Raedle/2012 Getty Images

Marketing Consultant for Lemonade Companies
Because Romney appreciates the basic essence of lemonade better than anyone.

Professional Poolside Giant Jenga Athlete
(Romney would first have to create the National Poolside Giant Jenga League, or NPGJL, which currently does not exist for some reason.)

Maoist Guerilla leader
When you combine Romney's strong desire for political power with his weakness at courting voters and his incredible skill at ideological reinvention, his career path is obvious. Obamacare is socialism, Romney invented Obamacare — boom, done. (H/T Intel Jon)

MOUNT VERNON, OH - OCTOBER 10:  Republican presidential candidate, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney addresses the crowd at Ariel Corporation on October 10, 2012 in Mount Vernon, Ohio. Romney is campaigning in Ohio with less than a month to go before the general election.   (Photo by Jamie Sabau/Getty Images)
Photo: Jamie Sabau/2012 Getty Images

Have another suggestion for Romney? Leave it in the comments or on Twitter with the hashtag #NextRomneyJobs and we'll feature the best ones.


Too soon. @haje16 Director of the Central Intelligence Agency #NextRomneyJobs
Friday November 9, 2012 3:32 Adampasick
via @kevinroose -- Holly Petraeus works at the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau
Friday November 9, 2012 3:23 Adampasick
"Sen.-Elect Warren Looking For ‘Smart, Thoughtful’ Staff"
Friday November 9, 2012 3:21 Adampasick
You will love @AnnaHolmes' summary of the campaign. Soundtrack: Fela Kutie's "Expensive shit."
Friday November 9, 2012 3:18 moorehn
The entire Internet from approximately 2:45 to 3:30
Friday November 9, 2012 3:17 Adampasick
What should Mitt Romney's next gig be? We suggest lady blogger, @DailyIntel. #NextRomneyJobs
Friday November 9, 2012 3:08 TheCut
Two words: Anna. Chapman.
Friday November 9, 2012 3:07 Adampasick
Star of live-action movie adaptation of "Get Your War On" #NextRomneyJobs cc @letsgetshort
Friday November 9, 2012 3:03 Adampasick
.@DailyIntel commenters' best #NextRomneyJobs - Stock laughter laugher, Barber, Weathervane, Dad Jeans by Mitt Romney
Friday November 9, 2012 2:58 Adampasick
Friday November 9, 2012 2:13 Adampasick
Friday November 9, 2012 2:12 Adampasick
Friday November 9, 2012 2:12 stellabugbee
New host of MTV's "Pranked" #NextRomneyJobs
Friday November 9, 2012 2:12 Adampasick
Friday November 9, 2012 2:12 ItsMeghanT
Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 Karen_Matilda
Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 djdrm
Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 djdrm
Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 marcgeelhoed
RT @Adampasick: Shift supervisor in a binder factory #NextRomneyJobs
Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 mopartybox
Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 Adampasick
RT @jessmisener: Playing Don Draper's creepy uncle on "Mad Men" #NextRomneyJobs
Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 bewilldered
Friday November 9, 2012 2:10 kurtsoller
RT @TheOther_MJ: .@MittRomney would be an ideal contestant on the Celebrity Apprentice #NextRomneyJobs
Friday November 9, 2012 2:10 epollaert
Friday November 9, 2012 2:10 Adampasick