John McAfee Is Ready to Come Home Now

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Fallen anti-virus mogul and possible murderer John McAfee seems to have tired of his big, crazy international adventure. "My goal is to get back to America as soon as possible," McAfee told Reuters in a phone call from the Guatemalan detention center where he is being held after unsuccessfully seeking asylum there. "I wish I could just pack my bags and go to Miami," he added. Unfortunately for McAfee, who is wanted for questioning in Belize over the death of his neighbor, the United States government can't just book him on the next flight to Florida. A State Department spokesperson responded to his remarks by pointing out that Americans traveling abroad are subject to local laws, and that the U.S. can only ensure that they are "treated properly within this framework."  

McAfee also told Reuters that, because he is now without Internet access, he has handed over control of his consistently updated blog to some friends in Seattle, who have begun posting "a series of files claiming to detail Belize's corruption." This is apparently an attempt to discredit the Belizean police's previous claims that McAfee was manufacturing narcotics and possessed illegal firearms. "People are saying I'm paranoid and crazy but it's difficult for people to comprehend what has been happening to me," he explained. "It's so unusual, so out of the mainstream." For once, that statement is entirely true, but it's not likely to get him back to South Beach any time soon.