The Pope Is Going Out of His Way to Start a Feud With Justin Bieber

By
Justin Bieber is no longer dressing like a middle-aged lesbian librarian.
Photo: Butch Dill/Getty Images

You would think the pope has a lot more on his plate than starting beefs with Justin Bieber and his fans. You would think that. You would be wrong.

Pope Benedict, white-haired, 85, and a neophyte to social media site Twitter, has beaten out 18-year old heartthrob Justin Bieber to set a percentage record for re-tweeting by his followers, the Vatican said on Thursday ...

While Canadian singer-songwriter Bieber has roughly 15 times as many followers - 31.7 million - the Vatican newspaper said Benedict had beaten Bieber on re-tweets.

It said about 50 percent of the pope's followers had re-tweeted his first tweet on December 12 while only 0.7 percent of Bieber's followers had re-tweeted one of the singer's most popular tweets on September 26, when he commented on the death by cancer of a six-year-old fan.

So, wait, the pope crushed Bieber in terms of the percentage of followers who retweeted a tweet? We've never even heard of anyone citing that kind of statistic before. The pope basically just made up a metric to prove how much better he is than Justin Bieber. This seems like kind of a petty thing for the pope — not Kanye, the pope, the leader of the world's billion or so Catholics — to do.

Also, kind of dangerous. The Catholic Church is a vast and powerful institution, one that has outlasted persecution, war, internal schisms, and the Da Vinci Code. But belittling the devotion and dedication of Bieber's Beliebers could backfire in a big way. Have you seen these people? They're insane. They will storm the Vatican, burn it to the ground, and then go shopping at Hot Topic like nothing even happened. Stand down, pope. You don't want this fight.