After Launching Satellite That Immediately Malfunctioned, North Korea Begins Referring to Itself As ‘Space Conquerors’

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Kim Jong Un owns all of space now. Photo: Yonhap News/Newscom

On Wednesday, December 12, North Korea successfully launched its first satellite into space, a triumph that lasted all of a few hours. Later that day, NBC News reported that the satellite was "tumbling out of control." By Monday, a Harvard astronomer had concluded that the satellite was "entirely inactive at this point."

Obviously, what this means is that the North Koreans are now officially "space conquerors":

A recent editorial in the paper repeats the usual exhortation to each and every North Korean to “devote oneself to building an economic giant with burning patriotic enthusiasm to fully demonstrate Korea of the sun.” What’s interesting is that the state-run Rodong Sinmun seems to employ a new, unofficial name for the North Korean people: “space conquerors.” In only 365 short words, it refers to North Koreans five different times as “space conquerors,” according to the official English translation.

To be fair, if anyone could use a completely unwarranted morale boost, it's the people of North Korea.