In Defense of the Skeeters

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Maybe Obama confused shooting marshmallows with shooting skeet. Photo: Saul Loev/AFP/Getty Images

In an interview with the New Republic over the weekend, President Obama made a surprising admission. When asked if he's ever fired a gun before, Obama told the magazine, "Yes, in fact, up at Camp David, we do skeet shooting all the time." Asked if his family takes part, Obama responded, "Not the girls, but oftentimes guests of mine go up there."

It was an unexpected revelation from a man not exactly known for being an outdoorsy, gun-toting type. So unexpected, in fact, that many people aren't buying it. And we're one of them. Call us the Skeeters.

There are four main reasons we don't believe that Obama shoots skeet "all the time" at Camp David. For one thing, he referred to it as "do skeet shooting," which is how people usually talk about things with which they are not very familiar. Your grandma asks you if you "do Twitter."

Second, and more significant, there has been zero prior documentation of Obama shooting skeet. Over the course of four years in office, Obama has been to Camp David 29 times, for all or part of 72 days. And yet not a single newspaper article or magazine story or book or blog post or tweet or smoke signal mentions Obama ever shooting skeet. Not a single published item refers to how much so-and-so enjoyed some skeet shooting at Camp David over the weekend. Not a single photograph has been released publicly showing Obama shooting skeet, and White House Press Secretary Jay Carney said this afternoon that he had never seen such a photograph. Carney also said he doesn't know how often Obama has shot skeet.

Furthermore, vast swathes of the country see Obama as a gun-hatin' enemy of the Second Amendment on a personal crusade to end ownership as we know it and leave us unprepared to combat Government Tyranny. Particularly during the 2012 campaign, why didn't Obama express his fondness for shooting skeet as one small way to allay such fears? Obama is fine with pandering to every constituency in the world during an election except gun owners?

Finally, Obama is incapable of shooting skeet because he is a Lizard Person and lacks an opposable thumb with which to grip his shotgun.