Each year, Americans gather around their TV screens to eat like they're on death row and watch four hours of commercials occasionally interrupted by a football game. As we take a break from the ads to enjoy a fake singing performance from Beyoncé, here are some of the highlights and lowlights (??) of the first half.
Update: Now with second-half ads.
Grossest Sound Effects: The sounds of this kiss made us lose interest in our wings for a while. Okay, for four seconds.
Worst Message: Driving an Audi gives you the confidence to sexually assault women.
Most Vaguely Racist: Is it racist to have a white American dude do a cartoonish impression of a black Jamaican? Kind of? Not really?
Least Realistic: Nobody likes the cookie part better.
Most Spoiled Children: Wait, so The Rock can't stop a bank robbery or save a cat because his kids need some milk for their cereal? Those kids are monsters.
Best Daniel Day Lewis Cameo: True fact: The goat is Daniel Day Lewis.
Best Totally Irrelevant Tale of Man-Horse Love: Man loves horse. Horse loves man. Drink beer.
Biggest Liar: Babies do not come from the planet Babylandia, liar.
Most Surprising Hair: What happened to Seth Rogen's Jew fro?