Ikea Will Not Let You Try Its Delicious Horse Meatballs Even If You Ask Nicely

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The Red Hook Ikea.Photo: Tony Savino/Corbis

I've wanted to try horsemeat ever since Europe became embroiled in Horsemeat-gate a month ago, and I learned that horsemeat is basically a lean and tender cross between beef and venison. When the news broke today that Ikea had been selling meatballs made partially from horsemeat, I thought that, finally, I might be able to partake in this exotic, delicious-sounding protein. After all, there is an Ikea just a few minutes away from me in Brooklyn. But a phone call to Ikea's customer service center in Baltimore put a quick end to this beautiful dream.

I read the story about the horsemeat in the meatballs. I was wondering if they were selling that at the Brooklyn Ikea.
Well, actually no, it was actually fourteen countries in Europe that it affected. And those countries did pull their meatballs from their shelves, but it's not affecting the U.S.

So, if I wanted to eat one of those, could Ikea in Brooklyn order it for me?
Could we order ... what? The meatballs?

Yeah, if I wanted to try it, with horsemeat in it.
Right, no. The United States, we're not supposed to be selling horsemeat.

Oh, I see.
Okay.

Okay, thanks.
You're welcome, sir.