One would think that FBI agents are experts at behaving professionally in the office, and hiding their digital trail if they partake in any lurid extracurricular behavior. However, CNN has obtained confidential internal disciplinary reports that catalog an impressive range of inappropriate behavior, including sending nude photos to several co-workers, bugging the boss's office, and paying for sex at a massage parlor. The point of the quarterly reports is to discourage misconduct, but they also make working at the FBI sound like a particularly filthy version of The Office.
"We're hoping (that) getting the message out in the quarterlies is going to teach people, as well as their supervisors … you can't do this stuff," FBI assistant director Candice Will tells CNN. "When you are given an FBI BlackBerry, it's for official use. It's not to text the woman in another office who you found attractive or to send a picture of yourself in a state of undress. That is not why we provide you an FBI BlackBerry." Will added that they're hoping to cut down on the "rash of sexting cases" within the agency.
The report (.pdf here) doesn't list agents' personal information, but it gives an outline of their behavior and the disciplinary action taken. Interestingly, getting a DUI in your own car, shoplifting from a grocery store, and lying about dating a known drug dealer will lead to dismissal. However, infractions such as "unauthorized use of FBI database to search for information about friends and coworkers," "broke spouses e-reader in half and pointed unloaded gun at dog's head," and "used government-issued Blackberry to send sexually explicit messages to another employee," will only earn you a suspension.
The FBI has about 36,000 employees, and between 2010 and 2012 1,045 were disciplined and 85 were fired. "It is important to note that the ratio of disciplinary issues among FBI agents are among the lowest in the federal government and private sector," FBI Agents Association president Konrad Motyka tells CNN. So while incidents like an agent refusing to give his gun to police during a drunken altercation at his mistress's home sound pretty bad, rest assured that whatever employees of other federal agencies are up to is probably much worse.