Mother Guilts Son for Almost Becoming Pope

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Photo: Neilson Barnard/2009 Getty Images

"We all knew that he would go all the way. ... All the way stops at where he's at right now — cardinal," New York Archbishop Timothy Dolan's adorable mother told the local news about speculation her son could've become the next pope. "The more they started talking about it over there, that's what really started getting me upset. It's not that he wouldn't have been good for the church. I know he would have done a great job, but I want him here." Time for a trip back to St. Louis, Mr. Dolan!